Heather Hanson's Diary 3/31/10

 I am finally back in school.  After almost a year of trying to figure out how to get the money to get back in I finally got it!  It sucks that I had to go out the way I did but I am ready to kick some ass this quarter!  They say that failure is a setup for a great comeback and I am ready to prove that.  Just as long as I don't have to take the class that got me out in the first place!

Math.  My arch enemy.  My Achilles heel.  My kryptonite.  That is what got me out of school.  I have always been horrible at math and was dreading hearing that I had to take it.  I'm studying psychology and what does math have to do with psychology?  One crazy person + one crazy person = two crazy people?  Easy.  And I didn't need to take math in college to figure that one out!  I think it was that I made the mistake of talking to a counselor that was not a psychology counselor, but I had to talk to him, it was summer and there was no other counselor available until after school started.  I was transferring from one college to another and from one subject to another, as if that wasn't nerve wracking enough!  And the guy didn't listen to me when I said that I was transferring with an AA degree already, it wasn't a general AA but it was one, so I was confused as to what I needed to take.  Was told that I needed to take two different math classes to understand the one that was required, but was not told that those two were not required for my BA.  After taking basic algebra three times during the year and failing them, found out after the fact that if I had passed them I still wouldn't have received the credit for them!  What a waste of my time and money!  Not to mention I put alot of time into those classes, determined to pass them, and failed the rest of my classes due to it.  So I was removed due to all of that, mainly the math.  If I didn't take the math I probably would have passed all of them and would be graduating this quarter, like the rest of the people that I had these psychology classes with.  Learned my lesson....never take class and degree advice from someone who is not in the degree program!

I started back this past Monday.  Driving onto the campus again felt great!  I had AC/DC's "Back In Black" playing through my head, and was wearing a little bit of black.  I felt strange again due to being 31 and going to classes that mainly had 18 year olds and students in their early 20's, so felt like the odd one in the group.  Did find a woman older than me in my first class though so I don't feel too strange anymore.  My first class Im taking was one of the ones I failed my first quarter last year and had the same instructor, I dont think he recognizes me, which is good!  Thankfully I know what too expect from him, work my ass off!  My second instructor looks about the same age as I am....and he has a Ph.D......imagine how small and ridiculous I felt.  Whenever I see people my age in careers like that I then have to judge myself and ask myself why Im not where I should be.  I then remember the saying that our lives do not sometimes go where we want them to but we can steer ourselves back into it and thats what I did.  Besides, I think it was better because if I had stuck with what I origionally wanted to do I would be in trouble because that is not what I want now, Im more mature now and know what I want, wheras there are people who are not happy where they are. 

To add more sting to my wound I saw one of the girls I was friends with in my first quarter.  I then thought, she is graduating this quarter and that made me hate myself.  I kept reminding myself, clean slate, you have a clean slate and all things happen for a reason.  after a while I felt better and then today in my first class, we had someone announcing for extra help groups.  The announcer was a girl who was in my human sexuality class back in spring quarter of last year, and she was one of those people who would constantly gab in class.  I dont mean just sit off to the side and gab with friends, she would gab with the instructor when they were in the middle of talking to the class.  Se would gab about things that almost had nothing to do with the class and after the instructor would talk about something she akways had to add her 15 or 20 mins (it seemed like).  She was the type you were always thinking to yourself and saying under your breath where the others around you could hear and you could hear them saying the same which was, 'shut up, we are here to hear the instructor talk and not you'.  I feel for the people who are going to go to her help group. 

Needless to say I am prepared for this quarter and will be succeeding in this quarter even if I have to live on Red Bull and three hours of sleep.  I am prepared for battle and a battle it will be!      Cheers